If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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