What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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