Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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