I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
