I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
