Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
