if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
