My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
