Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
