It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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