End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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