also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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