I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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