Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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