omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
