Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
