She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
