You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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