True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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