I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
