He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
