I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
