If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
