I heard we made out
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
