I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
