we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
