dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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