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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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