So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
