Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
