ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
