Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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