Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
