I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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