No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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