So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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