I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
