Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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