Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
