Betty ford says i'm here all night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
