I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
