maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
