I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
