sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
