i think i have two assholes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
