is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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