why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
