Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
