at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
