i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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