her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
