was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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