new low.... made out with someone while peeing
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
