Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
