y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize