i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
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