the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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