I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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