I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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