Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
