There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
