Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
