And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
