i would punch a child for taco bell
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just gift wrapped bread.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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