Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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