Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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