An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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