I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
