So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
