i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize