I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
