Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
