he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Are we still banned from the library?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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