I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
