somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
