you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
