You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
