I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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