Having a random hookup so left but love u
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize