I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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