Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
