did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
