The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
