bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
