well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
