I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize