You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
