Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
