I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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