I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
