Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
