He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
