I skipped work to stalk him.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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