Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
