bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
