Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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