ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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