it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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