"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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