she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
