i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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