the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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