Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize