I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
