Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
