Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
