I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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