You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
