Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
