We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
