My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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