Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize