He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
