Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
