there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
