Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
