im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
