she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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