Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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