yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
