I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
