Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I deserve this hangover.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
